Christianos ad leones

"Christianos ad leones" is a Latin phrase which means "[throw the] Christians to the lions." This phrase brings a funny picture to my mind; but, in actuality it was a terrible form of torture. During the time of the ancient church, before Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire, Christians were commonly fed to lions as a form of entertainment. Wow it's difficult to empathize with that! Often times I complain that sharing my faith is difficult due to the fear of being singled out or judged. These possible consequences are so trivial in comparison to what the early Jesus followers faced; they literally gave their lives as a sign of love for God. In scripture, it claims that the greatest sign of love is to lay down one's life for a friend. These people laid down their lives for God, refusing to renounce their faith. That takes total trust. As a human, I have the tendency to want to make myself the master of my own life. I want to pursue my own interests and don't find it totally natural to submit myself to some will other than my own. I guess we can blame it partially due to a fallen nature. If I weigh what I am sacrificing in comparison to what the early Christians sacrificed, it is obvious that what I am giving up or putting on the line is trivial. What is giving up a little convenience or reputation to a few people when this small sacrifice is nothing close to giving up my life? It's easy to forget the sacrifice that these men and women gave for God. It's often overlooked. I too much of a coward for self sacrifice a lot of the time.
Lord help me to lay down my life for you; help me to submit and obey your will.


sunt pueri pueri, pueri puerilia tractant

Chelsea's Tail just completed it's first performance tonight at my old college. Unfortunately we did not perform any original songs and the event was not really the right platform for crowd participation. It was quite an experience I have to say. I've performed musical gigs several times before without any fear or nervousness yet both feelings were present in me during today's act.
After we completed the first song, it took the crowd three whole seconds to respond in applause to the song; i was thinking that the delay was either because they did not approve or were stunned. I hope that it's the latter.
I've realized recently that I tend to make situations very awkward. Several times this week I've been finding myself if conversations that commonly contain awkward periods of silence. These pauses are followed by a hot feeling that makes fainting very plausible. During those pauses, for some reason, I quickly attempt to kill the silence by starting a new topic or defaulting to shrugging my shoulders while saying: "I don't know." This shrug action may sometimes work for the first few times but later on it just gets pathetic and makes the interlocutors even more uncomfortable. I do not recommend performing the "shrug and comment;" it makes things worse! Thursday's dinner was the most awkward dinner I've experienced in a long time. I shared a meal with a couple of my classmates after a study session and it was torturous. I'll save the story for my next entry. I'm going to sleep now.